i constantly live my life for others.
i do not say this because i want to sound altruistic, or good natured, or holy.
i am simply saying that my life is constantly lived for others.
my time and resources are constantly spent for the pleasure and satisfaction of people around me (i.e. my friends, my family, complete strangers).
my own enjoyment and my own pleasures and joys are constantly waived in favor of those of others.
despite how i yearn for the freedom and solitude i know that i cannot have it.
this is not to say that i am not thankful for these people who God, in His infinite wisdom, has so lovingly bestowed upon me.
i am thankful for them.
it would be a lie to say that i am not grateful for them.
it is however also true to say that there are some points in my life that i wish to be alone.
to have that opportunity to be my own man, that is to say, to be afforded the opportunity to have time for myself and time to do things that i enjoy, that i want, and not have to explain myself or to defend myself.
am i asking for an excuse to do things that are not right? that are sinful or immoral in nature? not at all.
i have no intention of conducting such affairs.
i am a man of simple tastes and have simple desires.
i simply ask the time and the opportunity to enjoy them.
i clarify that these are not base and earthly pleasures.
am i asking for these responsibilities and accountabilities towards these people to be repealed? again i say no.
i know and recognize that God, in His holy, loving and unfathomable wisdom, prepared this path for me and i accept it, without grudges.
again i simply state that what i ask for is simply an opportunity to take a breath, to be my own man even for a small fraction of time.
simply that.
