an itching on the roof of my mouth

i have this feeling like an itch on the roof of my mouth. that feeling that you know wont go away but you feel like you have to do something to make it go away.

i feel like i have something utterly important to do, that i've forgotten something that i need to do. i have this itching desire to write, to sketch, to shoot, to edit, to read, to do something productive. somehow i feel like i've been a bum for too long (despite being utterly exhausted from doing stuff).

this is probably my worldy self kicking in, in the sense that i have to constantly keep myself busy which'll lead to me being burnt out again.

must'nt do it.

till then.

and now the waiting game begins.

sent my request emails for my thesis waiting for replies. i'm still looking for the contact details of other docu-people. now i'm here waiting for their replies. hopefully they won't be the scary, nosebleedy people i envision them to be.


on the other hand, i'm still waiting for my pending paycheck. computer upgrades here i come. i can't wait to be able to back up EVERYTHING i have into a 1 terabyte external hard drive and to be able to doodle on a tablet.


still waiting for the succeeding issues of blackest night, batman and robin, green lantern, irredeemable and flash: rebirth. most of these comic books (i'm looking at you irredeemable and flash: rebirth) are taking too long to be published. it's like they've completely forgotten that the story lines are still dangling. i shall remain patient and wait on these story lines to finish.


waiting for superman/batman: public enemies. green lantern: first flight was such a blast! it was such an amazing ride therefore i only have high hopes for this new DC feature. (looks like DC is mopping the floor with Marvel's ass when it comes to cartoon features; can't say the same for the film scene).


still still waiting for pixar's up. when will they screen this?! waiting for updates on the status of the ever elusive of batman number 3 (is gary oldman's statement true?)






there. i've fanboyed for far too long.
hahaha.
see you on the other side.

ernie and bernie

respect.

as difficult as it is to see what's happening and to see you like this, as painful as it is, there is always the call to be obedient. God asks us, me, to be obedient. He demands it, but He doesn't rub it in our faces. He gave us free-will and I'd like to think - and i'm sure - that He respects it.

as hard as it is, i have to stand by the call. to obey.

i hate seeing you, me, us, like this.

but i hold on to the hope that He who began a good work will see it through.

i have hope and i believe that God didn't make me, us do this as a joke, for some sort of sick amusement, but for us to grow and to become the people that He's always wanted us to be, people after His own heart and people who will please Him in everything.

i'm really sorry. you know how much i hate seeing you in such a foul mood. and all the more i hate it when i'm the one that causes it. seriously i'm sorry.

i'm not giving up. if i let my emotions get the best of me and do what i want instead of what He wants me to do, that would be giving up. for both our sakes, and to please Him, i won't give up. i'll continue to draw strength from Him.

i'm sorry if i'm not turning out to be the best friend that i promised i would be. i'm sorry if i've said a handful of promises that, apparently, i can't fulfill now that, well, that that's happened. i'm sorry, really i am. i'm sorry if it seems like i'm not trying, know that i am. it hurts me whenever you say, or don't, that i don't try because nothing can be farther from the truth.

i try. you know that i do. i just respect your decisions that i don't want to question them. i respect you that i don't want to push myself at times that you don't want me to be there. i respect you that if you say you don't want to be my friend, i won't fight for it.

but i want you to know that despite you pushing me away, i won't do that to you. don't take this the wrong way. this isn't me puttting up a litany or sounding self-righteous. i just want to assure you that even if you don't want me to be, i'll still be here. think of it as the jla's reserve - people in the background, not really wanted at times but there whenever they're called for.

i'm always praying for you and i'm always here. not really sure if you'll be able to read this soon, eventually i know you'll stumble across this. not sure if that'll be on time, but then again, all in His time.

you know how to reach me if ever you decide you want to again.

til then.