things i have decided to do this february

(aka my very late new year's resolution)

• not cut my hair so long as my grandmother is undergoing chemo
• donate blood (since it's been 3 years)
• stop being an assh*le
• spend more time with neglected friends
• finish my hanging stories
• finish my hanging books
• practice editing more
• draw more
• spend more time with my brother (who will be there at my wedding unlike the computer who won't even help me with making masks)
• finish the script
• start shooting with the ants
• finish shooting with the ants
• spend more time taking pictures
• email family more often
• rest more often
• still spend more time with neglected friends
• breathe
• live

i hope to accomplish at least a quarter of that.
gulp.

while i am in a joker state

you've changed things, forever.

see to them you're just a freak, like me.

let's put a smile on that face.

ahahahahahahahahahahaha

now i know why i'm so enamored by clowns and masked beings.
everything is alright.

episode nth - grace is gone

somehow the dave matthews band always has a song to sum everything up.
even if the lyrics are off in some way, the melody of the song has everything summed up.

so, a big round of applause for the dave matthews band.

(the curtain raises, some guy thinks it's good to have smoke machines fill up the stage,
neon purple and green lights blink in the sidelines,
dave matthews plucks a few strings of his guitar,
the audience is silent, save for the occasional enthusiastic fan blurting out nonsensical screams)



Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight,
Its 2 am, Im drunk again,
Its heavy on my mind, its heavy on my mind.

I could never love again,
So much as I love you.
Where you end, where I begin,
Is like a river going through.

Take my heart, take my eyes,
Cause Ill need them no more.
If never again theyll fall upon,
The one I so adore.

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I dont need to think.
She broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and Ill move on.

One drink to remember,
And another to forget.
How could I ever dream to find a love like this again?
One drink to remember, another to forget...

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Would you make it strong,
Cause I dont need to think.
She broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and Ill move on.
One more drink and Ill move on.

You think of things impossible,
Then the sun refuse to shine.
I woke with you beside me,
Your cold hand lay in mine.

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I dont need to think.
She broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and Ill go...

Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I dont need to think.
She broke my heart, my grace is gone.
Another drink and Ill move on,
One more drink and Ill move on.
One more drink my grace is gone.



(the curtain goes down, the people applaud and scream in approval, i stand still.
everyone leaves the auditorium, paper, plastic cups, posters, streamers are left strewn on the floor, as i stand still.
a man sweeps behind me but he fails to notice the lone person standing amidst the trash.
the sweeper finishes,
the crew packs the equipment,
the band walks towards the exit,
the chairs are removed.
everything is packed up, everything is back to the way they were,
the lights are closed.
i'm still standing where i stood the entire time,
the melody of the song still in my head,
"one more drink, can you make it strong cause i don't need to think"
i'm still standing.
still waiting)












-----

ang corny. pwe.

pwe.

wala na akong maintindihan.
+
ayoko na ng sem na 'to
+
anlabo na ng lahat ng nangyayari
+
nasa gitna ako ng isang malaki at malabong laro
+
inaantok na ako
+
alam kong pinagtatawanan na ako (tsk. tsk)
+
isa na naman?
+
ampangit talaga ng abilidad kong yun.
+
yan ang napapala ng makulit na bata
+
di ba kasi sinabihan ka na na ganyan ang mangyayari?
+
yan tuloy tignan mo ngayon
+
wala nang makakaintindi nito
+
oo
+
alam ko
+
kaya nga ganito di ba?
+
pff
+
sige pa,
+
dyan ka naman magaling di ba?
+
mangwala

=

super emo, malabong waterdiet. tsk tsk.

diba? dyan ka magaling? mang alienate ng tao?

Mr. Tambourine Man - Bob Dylan

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

something

Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand,
Vanished from my hand,
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping.
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet,
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.

changed

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
just tell
Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship,
My senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip,
My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels
To be wanderin'.
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way,
I promise to go under it.

me

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

and

Though you might hear laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the sun,
It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
And but for the sky there are no fences facin'.
And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme
To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind,
I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're
Seein' that he's chasing.

I’ll

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, leave
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Alone.

----

lyrics and music by Bob Dylan.

ooookay....

what the bloody hell is wrong with me?

something obviously is.
shit.

ratio

50 : 50.



dangit.

im fine.

i'm fine. trust me.

i don't know

what to do anymore.

to all i've wronged:
i'm sorry

to all i've met:
thank you.

and to all a good night.

this is what i get.

i have neglected old friends for so long that i'm no longer sure if we're still friends.

nonsense, of course you still are.

are you sure?

no.



i have neglected all of you for so long.
i'm sorry.

ping! pang! kapow! batman sounds!

the first academic day of december began with a bang! an a splat! and an ugh! and a woosh! and some huff, huff. (cue: will forte singing "personal information waltz")

amazingly, i'm still alive. wow.
thank God.

i can't think of a song with november in the title which would've been a good title for a post about november.

all i remember is sweet november (although i've never seen it)

due to the fact that i can't think properly right now albeit the fact that i want to put something in my blog i'll just give a quick gist:

• didn't go to Malabon for All Saint's for the first time
• went to Palawan for the first time
• snorkel in a "snorkel-able" place with real "snorkel-able" things like actual fish and actual corals and actual sea snakes lying in the bottom, not just in the pool
  
• experienced UP-Diliman's first ever computerized enrollment
• learned that we were going to "produce" the Asean congress
• missed another opportunity to see neil gaiman and see that he's actually a human being (or more like a demigod)
• waited patiently for DC Countdown to finish
• waited patiently for pictures from the Dark Knight movie
• go Globe (finally)
  
• became very very honest
• car.
• palm.
• park.
• decided to surrender my love life to God.
• there.

there's a whole lot more. gimme a minute to remember. i'll post some of the other things later.
twas a very very eventful november.
and twas fun.
bow.

songs remind me of people

like.

1. magic dance by david bowie
2. bizarre love triange by frente

1. the song that jane likes by the dave matthews band
2. lover lay down by the dave matthews band

1. nothing's gonna stop us now by starship
2. little bitty pretty one by bobby darin

1. secret heart by feist
2. question by old 97's

• a favor house atlantic by coheed and cambria
• everyday by the dave matthews band
• slide away by oasis
• the dance by barbie's cradle
• burn out by sugarfree
  
• and a whole lot more that will take a week to place here
  

bahala Ka na lang.

i shall entrust my heart to the One who wrote the greatest and best love story ever.

october the 23rd 2007

it has been six days since the start of sembreak.
feels like a month.

for all the sleepless nights, and all the money spent the past sem has caused, it taught me something.
mayaman ako sa kaibigan.

new friends.
old friends.
yeah.

thank you.
giant ant. thank you.
that trio that refuses to be named so that it retains its mysteriousness, thank you.

thank you for question, for what a difference a day makes.
thank you.
bow.




-------------
caleb's off to laguna today. be back on november the 4th.
i'll miss you all.
gah.
ahahaha.
sorry, never was to fond of going away.

how was yesterday?

dahil mahal na mahal ko ang The Office

at dahil mahusay sina Jim and Pam

here's to them:





The Office (the US version) is property of NBC (methinks)
rights belong to them.

please don't sue me. i'm broke enough as it is.

THE OFFICE

Which Office character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Jim Halpert You're Jim! That's so cool, Jim's awesome. Jim Halpert 80% Angela Martin 65% Jan Levinson 55% Pam Beesly 50% Dwight Schrute 35% Michael Scott 25% Ryan Howard 20%

this is according to some test.

but i actually prefer to be this guy:


talk about conflicting personalities

inhale. exhale.

pfff.....

ok.

so what now genius?

Psalm 116:15

Psalm 116:15

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."

the government hospital/status of government agencies or officials/ i'm really really tired rant

sorry to anyone that will be offended.
this blog stems from a very very very very stressful day.
also, sorry for the graphic nature of
again sorry.
thank you.
--------------------


i have been to a government hospital before. as a kid. and no, they were not like this.
i have been to a government hospital before. and they were not like this.
not the slightest.

7AM.

we walk to the emergency room. it's raining (excellent timing).
Guard: "San ho kayo?"
Me: "Emergency ho, san ho ba?"
*Guard points the way*

inside the emergency room. we approach the first desk we see.
ME: "Excuse me po, kasi yung tita ko nag-su-suka po siya ng dugo e, pano po ba--"
NURSE: "Ay dun po sa table na yun"
*Nurse points in general direction*

inside the emergency room. we walk towards the other desk in the general direction.
ME: "Excuse me po, yung tita ko po kasi nag-su-suka ng dugo--"
NURSE: "Dun yan."
*Nurse raises finger to pretend to be helpful"

still inside the ER. we walk toward still another desk.
NURSE: "Sino pasyente?"
ME: Tita ko po, kasi nag-su-suka po siya ng dugo--
NURSE: Bat ganyan ang mata mo kuya? Ang chinky.
METHINKS: Ano ba pakielam mo sa mata ko? nagpapacheck ba ako ng mata? hindi! sinugod ko ang tita ko sa ER para magamot hindi para mag-comment ka sa mata ko!
ME SAYS: Yung tita ko po kasi nagsusuka ng dugo kaninang umaga.
*Nurse points somewhere and mumbles something*
ME: Ano po yun?
NURSE: Sabi ko, pahigain mo dun.
we comply.

the nurse then turns around and begins to chat with her friends, scribbles something.
then i hear her say:
NURSE: Psst, Chinky.
i pray to God for patience, lots and lots of patience.
METHINKS: Miss, may pangalan po ako. Hindi yun Chinky, or kahit tinawag mo na lang akong boy na naka-black, or boy, or kahit psst na lang. Kasi hindi professional ate. Nurse ka pa naman. Public servant ka pa naman.

i walk up to the desk.
ME: Bakit po?
NURSE: Ano ba sakit ng mama mo?
METHINKS: Miss nananadya ka ba talaga? Talaga bang hindi ka nakikinig? Walang pang ilang minuto noong sinabi kong Tita ko siya at Nagsusuka siya ng dugo.
ME SAYS: Hindi ko po siya nanay.
NURSE: E ano mo siya.
ME: Tita ko po. Nagsusuka po kasi siya ng dugo.

She then proceeds to ask me medical stuff. Finally i think. She's becoming professional.
NURSE: May sakit po ba siya sa baga.
ME: Wala po.

A few moments later.
NURSE: Bili po kayo nito.

I go and buy what she told me to buy. A few moments later my other aunt arrives.
OTHER AUNT: Ano yan?
ME: Pinabili po nung nurse.
Other aunt looks at the meds.
OTHER AUNT: (Some medical name) ito. Pang ubo ito ah. *Turns to the Nurse* Miss para san to?
NURSE: Para po sa ubo.
OTHER AUNT: E wala naman siyang ubo ah.

They talk. I don't listen. I don't want to listen. I didn't want to waste my time on the irritating nurse.

Beside my aunt's bed lay a man who i gathered suffered from severe head aches.
NURSE (yes it's the same nurse): Kuya kamusta na kayo?
MAN: Nahihilo pa rin
NURSE: *Makes a face* Arte na lang yan.

...

I am currently to tired to recount everything that has happened today.
I WILL blog again and rant about the unprofessional and deteriorated quality of our government hospitals.
I WILL, because i want it to change.


This i just noticed.
I was in the hospital last week watching my mom.
Her NGO had a medical plan, which meant she could be admitted in a private hospital.
in the private hospital they had her do a lot of tests, but we only had to pay after everything.

today i was at a government hospital. we payed for everything. and when i say this i mean whenever the nurse/doctor would need a test we would pay for it immediately. when they needed a syringe, we need to pay for it. when they needed gloves/vials/tubes/you name it, we needed to pay.

sabi nga ng isa ko pang tita: ganyan sa ospital ng gobyerno. ganyan sila kasi alam nilang mahirap lang yung mga pasyente nila. wala kang pera? mamamatay ka.