ernie and bernie

respect.

as difficult as it is to see what's happening and to see you like this, as painful as it is, there is always the call to be obedient. God asks us, me, to be obedient. He demands it, but He doesn't rub it in our faces. He gave us free-will and I'd like to think - and i'm sure - that He respects it.

as hard as it is, i have to stand by the call. to obey.

i hate seeing you, me, us, like this.

but i hold on to the hope that He who began a good work will see it through.

i have hope and i believe that God didn't make me, us do this as a joke, for some sort of sick amusement, but for us to grow and to become the people that He's always wanted us to be, people after His own heart and people who will please Him in everything.

i'm really sorry. you know how much i hate seeing you in such a foul mood. and all the more i hate it when i'm the one that causes it. seriously i'm sorry.

i'm not giving up. if i let my emotions get the best of me and do what i want instead of what He wants me to do, that would be giving up. for both our sakes, and to please Him, i won't give up. i'll continue to draw strength from Him.

i'm sorry if i'm not turning out to be the best friend that i promised i would be. i'm sorry if i've said a handful of promises that, apparently, i can't fulfill now that, well, that that's happened. i'm sorry, really i am. i'm sorry if it seems like i'm not trying, know that i am. it hurts me whenever you say, or don't, that i don't try because nothing can be farther from the truth.

i try. you know that i do. i just respect your decisions that i don't want to question them. i respect you that i don't want to push myself at times that you don't want me to be there. i respect you that if you say you don't want to be my friend, i won't fight for it.

but i want you to know that despite you pushing me away, i won't do that to you. don't take this the wrong way. this isn't me puttting up a litany or sounding self-righteous. i just want to assure you that even if you don't want me to be, i'll still be here. think of it as the jla's reserve - people in the background, not really wanted at times but there whenever they're called for.

i'm always praying for you and i'm always here. not really sure if you'll be able to read this soon, eventually i know you'll stumble across this. not sure if that'll be on time, but then again, all in His time.

you know how to reach me if ever you decide you want to again.

til then.