Psalm 116:15

Psalm 116:15

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."

the government hospital/status of government agencies or officials/ i'm really really tired rant

sorry to anyone that will be offended.
this blog stems from a very very very very stressful day.
also, sorry for the graphic nature of
again sorry.
thank you.
--------------------


i have been to a government hospital before. as a kid. and no, they were not like this.
i have been to a government hospital before. and they were not like this.
not the slightest.

7AM.

we walk to the emergency room. it's raining (excellent timing).
Guard: "San ho kayo?"
Me: "Emergency ho, san ho ba?"
*Guard points the way*

inside the emergency room. we approach the first desk we see.
ME: "Excuse me po, kasi yung tita ko nag-su-suka po siya ng dugo e, pano po ba--"
NURSE: "Ay dun po sa table na yun"
*Nurse points in general direction*

inside the emergency room. we walk towards the other desk in the general direction.
ME: "Excuse me po, yung tita ko po kasi nag-su-suka ng dugo--"
NURSE: "Dun yan."
*Nurse raises finger to pretend to be helpful"

still inside the ER. we walk toward still another desk.
NURSE: "Sino pasyente?"
ME: Tita ko po, kasi nag-su-suka po siya ng dugo--
NURSE: Bat ganyan ang mata mo kuya? Ang chinky.
METHINKS: Ano ba pakielam mo sa mata ko? nagpapacheck ba ako ng mata? hindi! sinugod ko ang tita ko sa ER para magamot hindi para mag-comment ka sa mata ko!
ME SAYS: Yung tita ko po kasi nagsusuka ng dugo kaninang umaga.
*Nurse points somewhere and mumbles something*
ME: Ano po yun?
NURSE: Sabi ko, pahigain mo dun.
we comply.

the nurse then turns around and begins to chat with her friends, scribbles something.
then i hear her say:
NURSE: Psst, Chinky.
i pray to God for patience, lots and lots of patience.
METHINKS: Miss, may pangalan po ako. Hindi yun Chinky, or kahit tinawag mo na lang akong boy na naka-black, or boy, or kahit psst na lang. Kasi hindi professional ate. Nurse ka pa naman. Public servant ka pa naman.

i walk up to the desk.
ME: Bakit po?
NURSE: Ano ba sakit ng mama mo?
METHINKS: Miss nananadya ka ba talaga? Talaga bang hindi ka nakikinig? Walang pang ilang minuto noong sinabi kong Tita ko siya at Nagsusuka siya ng dugo.
ME SAYS: Hindi ko po siya nanay.
NURSE: E ano mo siya.
ME: Tita ko po. Nagsusuka po kasi siya ng dugo.

She then proceeds to ask me medical stuff. Finally i think. She's becoming professional.
NURSE: May sakit po ba siya sa baga.
ME: Wala po.

A few moments later.
NURSE: Bili po kayo nito.

I go and buy what she told me to buy. A few moments later my other aunt arrives.
OTHER AUNT: Ano yan?
ME: Pinabili po nung nurse.
Other aunt looks at the meds.
OTHER AUNT: (Some medical name) ito. Pang ubo ito ah. *Turns to the Nurse* Miss para san to?
NURSE: Para po sa ubo.
OTHER AUNT: E wala naman siyang ubo ah.

They talk. I don't listen. I don't want to listen. I didn't want to waste my time on the irritating nurse.

Beside my aunt's bed lay a man who i gathered suffered from severe head aches.
NURSE (yes it's the same nurse): Kuya kamusta na kayo?
MAN: Nahihilo pa rin
NURSE: *Makes a face* Arte na lang yan.

...

I am currently to tired to recount everything that has happened today.
I WILL blog again and rant about the unprofessional and deteriorated quality of our government hospitals.
I WILL, because i want it to change.


This i just noticed.
I was in the hospital last week watching my mom.
Her NGO had a medical plan, which meant she could be admitted in a private hospital.
in the private hospital they had her do a lot of tests, but we only had to pay after everything.

today i was at a government hospital. we payed for everything. and when i say this i mean whenever the nurse/doctor would need a test we would pay for it immediately. when they needed a syringe, we need to pay for it. when they needed gloves/vials/tubes/you name it, we needed to pay.

sabi nga ng isa ko pang tita: ganyan sa ospital ng gobyerno. ganyan sila kasi alam nilang mahirap lang yung mga pasyente nila. wala kang pera? mamamatay ka.

quotes from eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

i like this movie. very much
ergo the quotes.
---------
Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.
-------------
Joel: Can you hear me? I don't want this any more! I want to call it off!
-------------
Joel: Hi.
Clementine: Hi. Didn't figure you'd show your face around me again. I guess I thought you were... humiliated. You did run away, after all.
Joel: I just needed to see you.
Clementine: Yeah?
Joel: I'd like to, um... take you out, or something.
Clementine: You're married.
Joel: Not yet, not married. No, I'm not married.
Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high-maintainance, so... I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage, or whatever it is you've got goin' there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own piece of mind; don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were gonna save my life... even after that.
Clementine: Ohhh... I know.
Joel: It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round.
Clementine: Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can.
-----------
Joel: I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.
---------
Joel: Wait.
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. Just wait... for a while.
-------------
Mary: Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias.
-----------
Joel: [narration as Clementine acknowledges him by raising her coffee mug] Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?
----------------------



look for the trailer of "be kind rewind" it's made by the same guy who did this.
it's fun.

bow.

can't wait

can't wait for: the conclusion to DC's Countdown and the Final Crisis
can't wait for: my own copy of Adobe Premiere pro 3
can't wait for: the dark knight to be released
can't wait for: the upcoming justice league movie
can't wait for: the upcoming avengers movie
can't wait for: the bob dylan movie
can't wait for: the end of all my exams
can't wait for: bumblebee, my own car.
can't wait for: my own professional HD camera.
can't wait for: my own DSLR
can't wait for: the day i finish writing my book
can't wait for: the day i publish my book
can't wait for: the day i meet my favorite people


can't wait for: the time i see you again.
(wow, what a cheesy ending.
crap.)

bow.

raindrops keep falling

so i had me a conversation with the sun
and i didn't like the way that he got things done
sleeping on the job...

wrong timing yung ulan.
maling timing yung pag-suspend.
wala naman akong nakabinbin na exam bukas.
bakit bukas?
pwede bang i-move na lang sa friday?
...
...
alam kong dapat nagpapasalamat ako dahil makakapagpahinga ako bukas.
pero...
atrasadong atrasado na kami sa BC103.
isang buwan na kaming di nagmeet.
tapos dahil wala ulit klase bukas, magpapa-makeup class na lang sa sabado.
na kasabay ng klase ko sa Comm120.
tapos wala na daw galawan yun.
fixed na daw.
at sa meeting na ito i-di-discuss yung tungkol sa midterms namin
so pano ko malalaman yung kelangang gawin?
...
...
sobrang gulo na ng schedule ko (wow, may pa-schedule-schedule na pala ako ngayon)
na-mo-move ng na-mo-move yung mga kelangan kong gawin.
at dahil dun
nagkakasabay-sabay lahat ng requirements ko.
dapat kung walang mga suspension ay maximum of 1 requirement a week.
ngayon...
andami ko nang kelangan gawin.
...
...
salamat egay.
anlaki mong tulong.

er

i am in need of someone to talk to
but then again, i wouldn't know what to say (or how to say it)
when i do have someone to talk to.

wala

wala akong utang na loob

drown it away

drown it.
drown it in jazz music, rock music, sad, happy, melancholic, triumphant, any type of music.
in pictures, in videos,
in green, red and blue phosphor dots light up a million times in a second.

drown it
with thoughts of remorse,
with foreign languages that you do not understand
with the beating of the drums
with the sound of your fingers as they fly over the keyboard
the sound of strumming guitars
the sound of the airswing on the airconditioner
the sound of a thousand people laughing at you
drown it
drown it with the sound of your heavy breathing
your scared breathing
your panicked breathing
drown it
drown it with the sound of your heart beating
the sound of your sweat, no, you do not sweat
it is cold enough, no you do not sweat, and yet...

drown it
drown it with happy memories,
sad memories,
as the violin plays in the background.
as the clock ticks down.
drown it
drown it your endless ramblings
drown it with a thousand thoughts
with your artsy fartsy words
with the image of rain
of a puddle
of a leaf
of anything
of anything else
of anything besides it

drown it
drown it in, no, better yet...

purge it out.

episode 17 - the lost episode

it has been a couple of months since i last blogged.
and the blogs that i made before were utterly...pointless.
and i can't write right now.
so there.

TUTULAN ANG TUITION INCREASE NG UP!

tama ba na magtaas ang tuition?
hindi
government subsidy dapat ang tumaas
hindi dapat kami ang sumasalo sa pagkukulang ng gobyerno

TUTULAN ANG TUITION INCREASE NG UP!TUTULAN ANG TUITION INCREASE NG UP!
TUTULAN ANG TUITION INCREASE NG UP!TUTULAN ANG TUITION INCREASE NG UP!
TUTULAN ANG TUITION INCREASE NG UP!TUTULAN ANG TUITION INCREASE NG UP!
TUTULAN ANG TUITION INCREASE NG UP!TUTULAN ANG TUITION INCREASE NG UP!

what the hell happened

in the words of the wise mushu-rip-off dragon from xialin showdown (yes, i do watch cartoons, and yes, i do love watching cartoons), "What happened?, I blinked and missed it."

what happened?
i blinked and life seemed to to faster than it used to, or am i slower than usual?
is everything going in its normal speed and i'm being left in slow motion?
everythings passing by
motorbikes on a freeway.
everything's a blur of lights and sounds.
i've lost touch.

youth. is. fleeting.
life. is. also.

i don't want to blink and find myself old, with a head full of white silvery hair, and not seeming to remember how i got there.
pause.
just, pause.
but,
there is no pause button to be found.
or,
if there was,
i can't press it.
sigh.

tis life
they say.
tis life

once more, just for the sake of it

yes.
it has been three meetings.
and yes.
i still don't know my instructor's name.
...
nakita ko si maisha ngayon.
hmm...
ilang buwan na akong nakabalik sa maynila, pero mangilan-ngilan paring mga tao
ang nakita ko.
weird.
...
wala na akong masyadong idea sa jasms.
all i know is that jardine claimed the land that they say is theirs.
at yung konting mga kwento sa akin ni pareng mac.
...
did i mention na kaklase ko si mac?
...
wala na rin akong masyadong balita sa ibang batchmates.
hmm.
...
kakaiba talaga.

this one has no title

after months of dormacy,
i am finally back.
i do not know which feels better, to be among cupboard dwelling faeries, or to be, once again, plugged into the system.
it's been so long that being plugged back in feels strange.

it is time, once again, to record the events of my life for friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers to read - and quite possibly, mock.
it does not matter what you want to do.
you're old enough, so i leave that choice to you.

it has been a very long time,
and a lot has happened.
i took the talent test and failed.
and as the saying goes, "when God closes a door, He opens a window."
i took another test
(yes, this summer vacation was filled with tests and interviews and rampaging dragons)
and this time, God allowed me to pass.
i went through an interview that felt like a job interview - or probably worse.
but God helped me get through it.
thankfully, i am still alive.

i haven't seen anyone.
apart from the boss.
and the three artists.
though i've heard from a handful of people.
which is good.
i wish i can see them again.
yes.
that would be good.

Episode 16 - Talent Test

Katatapos lang ng talent test kahapon.
Nakakapagod siya.
Kahit na nakaupo ka lang ng apat na oras tuloy-tuloy.
At ngayon.
Hinihiling ko na sana'y makapasa ako.
Sana.

Antagal na rin pala mula nang huli akong nakakita ng tao.

Episode 15 - Scribbles of a Lovesick Idiot

hfff.
i absolutely have no idea what to say.
or maybe i do
and i just don't know how.
or maybe i do
and i'm not sure if i should
i don't know.

if i do
what would change?
maybe there'll be something,
or maybe i'm just afraid.

do i dare ruin friendship?

i don't know.
i just want to dig my head into my hands and cry.
should i say it or no?

why does everything have to be so complicated?
or do i make it that way?

hmm.
maybe i should just say it.
i...

(kayo na lang tumapos)

Intermission - Situations

Situations
Jack Johnson

Situation Number one
Its the one that's just begun
But evidently its too late
Situation Number two
Its the only chance for you
It's controlled by denizens of hate
Situation Number three
It's the one that no one sees
All too often dismissed as fate
Situation Number four
The one that left you wanting more
Tantalized you with its bait

Episode 14 - Two Step

And as quickly as it all began, it came to an abrupt end.

Malapit nang matapos ang sembreak ko.
Malungkot hindi ba?
Nararamdaman ko na rin yung nararamdaman dati ni ning,
na parang seminar lang na in-attend-an ito tapos pagkatapos babalik din sa jasms pero hindi

Nakita ko nga yung mga batchmates ko.
Pero bitin.
Kulang ang isang gabi, ang isang araw, ang isang linggo
Bitin talaga pero wala akong magagawa
Sadyang madaya ang mundo.
Ganyan talaga, ang sabi nila.
Lahat ng magandang bagay ay natatapos
Bakit?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

at least once in their entire lives, everybody wanted to write a mushy love story

Episode 13 - yes, this is nice, isn't it? or is it?

In a matter of days, this semester will be over and i can finally catch up to that elusive and beautiful beast - sleep.
the impending end of the semester also means that i can, at long last, catch up to my reading. my to read list continuously flourishes but sadly i've read nothing from it, say neil gaiman's smokes and mirrors - which i haven't finished yet.
it means that i can see my highschool friends again - something that i've been looking forward to since, well, i don't know.
also, the coming end of the semester also means the opening of the gates of hell. well not literally but you know what i mean.

today is the beginning of hell week. the purge. all shall be cleansed and those found wanting shall perish.

kinakailangan kong magreview sa math! kung hindi ay mag-fa-finals ako at ayaw nating lahat iyon.

ang mga taga-campus crusade, hindi hell week ang tawag sa hell week. grace week. bakit kamo? kasi it's only by the grace of God na nakakalampas ka. and its true. mere strength, knowledge and perseverance is not enough, not with the monsters (paper work, quizzes, exams and professors) prowling about, one needs Grace to make it through.

haay.

i finished a short story. yes, i did. and i will post it here for the sole purpose of posting it here. (its just that i'm so jubilant - naka naman jubilant - that i was able to finish one)

Episode 12 - Cookie Jar

Hi
Antagal na since yung last post ko, at dahil wala naman akong masugid na taga subaybay - or kahit anong taga subaybay for that matter - wala akong problema.
Sa friday ay welcoming night sa SV, kaya hindi ako uuwi ng Manila. Madaling araw na lang ng Saturday.
Tinatamad ako. grabe

Episode 11 - Hmm

Napakaweird ko kagabi, hindi naman full moon.
Galing kasi ako ng play nung gabi, "Dreamgiver" ayos lang yung play, enjoy naman (i won't go into details about it, nakakatamad eh).
Basta ayon, naglakad ako palabas papuntang Grove tapos dun na ako nakasakay ng jeep (still seriously considering going to a dorm next sem), tapos pagbaba ko dun sa amin (kasi may street panglalakarin papunta sa apartment ko, one minute walk) ayon, naghihintay akong tumawid kasi kumakaripas ng takbo yung mga kotse parang natatae yung mga nagmamaneho, habang naghihihintay ako, inatake na naman ako ng adrenaline, bigla akong tumakbo patawid ng kalsada tapos tinakbo ko papunta sa gate sa apartments, tapos bigla biglang lulukso, tapos tawa ako ng tawa, ang sarap, adrenaline rush, umakyat lang ako ng kwarto para magpalit tapos bumaba para tumawag sa bahay (kasi wala pa ring signal sa loob ng bahay ang SUN) tapos habang naghihintay akong mag-ring yung phone, talon ako ng talon, magta-tumbling sana ako kaso di ako marunong. Basta napaka weird nang pinagagagawa ko kagabi. Tapos umakyat na ako upang matulog.

Then came the dream...

Yung ang sobrang weird, hindi ko maalala yung entirety ng panaginip ko pero ang hindi ko makalimutang part eh yung parang nasa isang classroom daw ako, white yung walls, me armchairs pero dadalawa lang daw kaming nandon, ako tapos isang babae na kakilala ko, pero hindi ko maalala kung sino sya, talagang hindi maalala, pero yung pagasal namin parang matagal na kaming magkakilala. Ayon, parang may pinaguusapan kami na kinakailangan pang isulat sa blackboard yung mga sinasabi namin tapos, nagtatawanan kami tapos biglang parang natalisod sya tapos nasalo ko sya. Then comes the really weird part, nagtitigan kami tapos sinubukan ko syang halikan, ayon, dumikit yung labi ko tapos bigla siyang tumayo, tapos ako hiyang hiya ako, sorry ako ng sorry sa kanya. Sabi nya ayos lang daw, pero hiyang hiya parin ako, then i started pounding the ground, tapos nagiiiyak ako, sorry ako ng sorry tapos kinapitan nya yung shoulders ko tapos tinignan nya ako, me sinabi sya na hindi ko na maalala tapos wala na.

Kakaiba no? Maayos naman yung mga nakain ko.